Thursday, December 09, 2010

You Can Take The Cretin Out Of Philadelphia, But You Can’t Take . . .

From an Iowa sports forum on the subject of University Of Iowa Men’s Basketball Coach Fran McCaffery:

Why is it whenever I see Fran McCaffery's face, I either want to throw up or punch him in the face? This isn't just from tonight, either. I really can't stand the man. There are other coaches who I can't stand, but this guy takes the prize.

Perhaps I can be of help.

It might be McCaffery’s $2.00 eyeglasses that cause you to shudder.

Or his $2.00 haircuts.

Or his $2.00 suits.

Or his $2.00 dental work.

Then again, perhaps it is McCaffery’s grotesque gums that repulse you. The man has gums so frightening they might scare even a charging rhinoceros.

It may be that McCaffery’s toad-like facial skin is what induces your vomiting. The man, after all, is living proof that smallpox has not yet been eradicated.

Is it possible that McCaffery’s repellent language is the cause of your nausea? Toward this end, I refer you to the 71 entries in the same sports forum that discuss McCaffery’s constant use of the “F” word in public, including screaming the “F” word in the presence of children.

Of course, you may simply be evincing a generalized reaction to McCaffery’s distinct disreputable rub. McCaffery's disreputable rub reveals itself in practically everything he says and does. All normal persons pick up on McCaffery’s disreputable rub instantly, as McCaffery is—indisputably and insufferably—very, very down-market.

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